I had to say goodbye to you this morning. It was actually 15 months ago you crossed over the rainbow bridge, but I’ve still been holding on to you so tightly I couldn’t move forward. Some might say, “But she was just a dog.” and they’d be right, but she was so much more. You were my confidant. You were my best friend and buddy. You were my walking partner, my protector, my only stable thing in my life for 15 years. When you passed I was ill for a year. Stomach problems, fatigue, strange flus, sinus infections, and a general feeling of malaise. I stopped listening to music, I stopped taking care of myself. It was like my world was turned upside down.
This morning I had a dream about the time I got a call about a puppy and I saw you, all black with two white slashes of fur across your back. And it was like you had come back to me. A year ago I got another dog and I keep wanting her to be you, and I know that, it’s not a realization. I keep telling myself she’s not and that I need to love her for who she is, but I couldn’t let you go. I wanted her to be you to me. Now I know, I cannot have you back, and Lucy is Lucy. She and I will have a new relationship, but I do wish she had a chance to know you. You would have set her straight. 😉
You will always be in my heart, but I’m no longer searching for you. One day I’ll see you again. Until then, my friend, I hope wherever you are, you are happy, loved, and have all the balls to chase your big heart desires.
All my love,
Mama
P.S. Lucy doesn’t leave the room if I start crying.
